


Hold

by ClassyFangirl



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-26
Updated: 2013-09-26
Packaged: 2017-12-27 17:00:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/981379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClassyFangirl/pseuds/ClassyFangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Through the Drift, Hermann catches a glimpse of Newt's last relationship. He'd do anything to drive those memories away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for an anonymous prompter on tumblr. BIG TIME warnings for physical and emotional abuse and some self-deprecating language from Newt, and I've rated this fic as such. I was very nervous about getting this right, so comments are majorly appreciated.

_“What? You think you’re funny, wunderkind?”_

_The German doesn’t sound right in his mouth- he has a strong Brooklyn accent, and it sounds almost amusing coming from him. Hermann finds himself giggling nervously even though he would never do such a thing, it is completely ridiculous._

_“Yeah? Think you’re fuckin’ hilarious, and such a fuckin’ smart-aleck.” He wraps a meaty hand around Hermann’s forearm and grips it tight. “I could fuckin’_ break _you.”_

_“No no no,” Hermann says, but it’s not his voice. “No, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, let me, let me make it up to you-”_

_“Aw, wunderkind.” He smiles, and it looks nasty even on his handsome face. “Shut the fuck up.”_

_He goes flying backwards, hitting the wall, and something cracks-_

Hermann awakes with a start, gasping for air, and it takes him a moment to calm his breathing. It’s not his memory. It’s not his memory.

He feels for his connection with Newt, grasping for the mental tether that binds them. He can’t feel any fear or anxiety coming from Newt’s end, not even the muted kind that comes with nightmares. He’s just asleep, deep and dreamless. Poor bastard deserves it- he was up for an entire fifty-six hours working before Hermann insisted he go to sleep. At least he’s getting some decent rest for once.

Hermann sighs and rubs his forehead. It’s not the first time he’s experienced...such a memory of Newton’s, but he’s still unsure how to bring it up. Nothing he thinks of sounds serious enough, or else it sounds like he has been purposefully digging around in Newt’s memories. _Yes, I had a dream that you were being treated ill by a rather large man with an IQ half your size, how are you feeling?_

He stares at the door, as though he can see through it and into Newton’s room across the hall. Not for the first time, he wants to walk in there, lie down in Newt’s bed, and wrap his arms around him, protecting him from everything. Hermann shakes his head- it’s a foolish notion, a ridiculous fantasy -and he goes back to sleep.

 

ooo

 

“Hermann, are you...dating anyone?”

Hermann turns to Newt, surprised. “Of course not. You know I’m not.”

Newt nods idly. “Do you... _want_ to date anyone? Hypothetically.”

Hermann’s breath hitches in his throat, and part of him thinks, deliriously, that Newt is about to proposition him. “I- I suppose. What with the world safe again- a relationship would be a fine way to...start anew, I believe.”

“So...you’re gonna find a nice girl, settle down, teach Baby Gottlieb all about calculus?”

Hermann flushes slightly. “Well. Newton, you ought to know that my...interests are more varied than that.”

Newt goes back to staring at his work, but he nods again. “Y-yeah. Yeah, I got that.”

There is a painfully long pause. “Whoever I began a relationship with,” Hermann says slowly, “whoever they might be, I would find it very important that they- that they feel safe with me.”

Newt does not look up, but Hermann can see a ghost of a smile on his face.

 

ooo

 

_“-got that fucking thing_ tattooed _on you? Jesus, what kind of freak are you?”_

_“But don’t you think it was incredible? Awful, of course, but there has_ never _been something like that before, and it’s, god, what are the odds it’s the only one out there? I think-”_

_He’s cut off by the slap across his face, and Hermann- no, Newton, this is Newton’s memory -whimpers. “Shut the fuck up! God, and I thought you were crazy before- you forget your pills, doc?”_

_“N-no. I, I’ve been taking them, but even if I wasn’t, this is still-”_

_“I said shut the_ fuck _up!” With a punch, Newt is down on the floor, curling reflexively. “You crazy fucking freak. Why the hell do I put up with you?” Newt makes a muffled, anguished sound as the foot connects with his stomach. “I’d be better off without you- but no, you always come crawling back to me!”_

_“P-please, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”_

_“And I’m just too fucking nice to kick this balls-crazy wunderkind out of my apartment!”_

_“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Newt chants, never saying it’s_ their _apartment, Newt pays more than half the rent, Newt’s the one with the steady job-_

_“Useless fucking freak-”_

Hermann wakes up to huge pulses of fear coming from Newt, and he runs across the hall as quickly as he can. “Newton!” he yells at the door. “Newton, please, it’s me!”

The door opens hesitantly, and Newt is already five feet away from it, shaking in the center of the room. Hermann immediately wants to hold him tight, never let him go- but he stops himself, scared he’ll make Newt’s state even worse. “Newton,” he says quietly. “Newton, is it all right if I touch you?”

Newt nods aggressively. “Please, please, please,” he whispers.

Hermann wraps his arms around Newt’s shoulders, and Newt melts in his grasp. His grips Hermann’s shirt with incredible force, but most of the tension has slid out of him. “I’m here,” Hermann says. “You’re safe, I promise.”

He leads Newt to the bed, sits him down without letting go of him. One hand rubs slow circles on Newt’s back, and Hermann whispers softly in German and thinks warm thoughts, anything to comfort him. _I’m here, I’m here, you’re safe, I love you, you’re safe._

Finally, Newt’s breathing slows to a more normal pace, and he looks up at Hermann and smiles carefully. “Ten years,” he says. He laughs bitterly. “Ten years, and I still...god.” He rubs the back of his hand across his eyes and he shakes his head. “Y’know what the worst part was? _He_ left _me._ I mean- I _guess,_ hey, thank god, ‘cause I was a fucking idiot who didn’t know how to leave-”

“Not an idiot,” Hermann says gently. “You were scared, not stupid.”

Newt blinks, like the idea hadn’t occurred to him. “I...I guess so. But still- he broke up with me, which is so...” He sighs and rests his forehead against Hermann’s shoulder. “He didn’t even give me the satisfaction of walking out on his ass.”

“Well, you _do_ have the satisfaction of having saved the world,” Hermann says. “There is that.”

Newt grins and pokes Hermann’s side. “ _Helped_ save the world. As I recall, _you_ were pretty important there too, man.”

Hermann shrugs and hides his slight smile. “Semantics. I’ll leave the credit to the rock stars.”

Newt sits up and cups his hand on Hermann’s cheek. He swears he feels his heart stop, illogical as the statement is. “I...don’t know if I’m ready for this,” Newt says softly. “But- but if you want to, I’d really like to give it a shot.”

Hermann nods and kisses Newt’s forehead. “Of course. Of course, Newton.”

They fall asleep in Newt’s bed, their limbs tangled together.


End file.
